PERKS OF LIVING ALONE 1

Hello guys

Welcome to my first controversial read

This topic is really close to my heart. Hence I decided to share it with you, my people

Here it goes…

The typical Nigerian way is for a child to grow up in his or her parent’s house and remain there until he or she happens to get married or move to another city for a job in spite of the child’s age.

This is like an unwritten rule in the average Nigerian parent’s book. However this rule is lenient when it comes to the male child. He has some sort of points that can excuse him from this rule such as;

“He’s a man”

“He needs to start building his family”

“He can’t get married in my parent’s house”

Etc

But, for the woman, it is unheard of.

In fact, it is an abomination for her to leave her father’s house to her own house.

“Why should she want to live alone?”

“She is promiscuous to want that”.

“Is she a prostitute?”

“Does she want men to run away from her?”

“There is no respect when a woman doesn’t marry from her room in her father’s house”.

“Why should a woman even own her property?”

These and more are usually the outbursts when a girl requests to live alone

As far as I’m concerned, this isn’t fair.

Let’s focus on the ladies today, guys shift small…your case is not that deep

The story of the life of an average home grown Nigerian lady goes thus;

Primary to secondary education is spent at home or in a boarding school under parent and school rules.

University education for some is spent in the hostel or at home under same parent or school rules.

The lucky ones have the privilege of staying off campus during university days but don’t utilize the opportunity judiciously.

As for the private university attendees, it’s probably the same story of supervised living.   

NYSC now becomes the breath of fresh air for most ladies to really live alone under no supervision.

After which they itch to get married and end up in a husband’s house back to the supervised living.

Hold on, I’m not trying to paint this in a bad light. Just chill.

Looking this through, you realize that a girl has spent the greater part of her life bending to one rule or the other so much so that she has lost herself and doesn’t even know what her principles are or what she is capable of being or doing.

She doesn’t know what she is about, what she stands for. She doesn’t know her true side when no one is watching….the sad part is that she might now come to realization of her trapped nature when it is too late, in her husband’s house, then start to revolt, experiment or maybe regret having played by rules all her life… next she feels stuck and is overwhelmed by regrets.

How do we salvage or prevent this?

Every woman should schedule a period of her life where she lives alone. Not under the hawkish eyes of her parents or anybody.

What does she need that period for?

To find herself.

Find yourself

Make your own rules

Break your own rules

Set boundaries

Pay bills

Look out for your self

Learn security tips

Be the woman of your home

Learn to manage your affairs

Put to practice, all the nuggets you’ve learnt so far from home   

This is not really the time to go wild and live the “baby girl” life since there is no one to answer to.

This is rather a time to live free, make mistakes, correct the mistakes, learn from the mistakes, go through all the cycles and come out with a knowledge and acceptance of you.

Then you will be able to say, “This is who I am. This is what I can deal with. This is who I want to be with. This is my next step.”

Now you can go ahead and marry or join a Coventry.

This is what I mean by everyone needs to live alone for a certain time in their lives.

Now this period avails itself at different points in one’s life not necessarily after university. For some it’s during university days, others NYSC, others after NYSC.

My point is, find that period, leverage on it, learn all you can and grow. Don’t let it pass you by.

How does living alone help one?

If the opportunity is utilized judiciously, living alone can help in the following ways;

1.       Maturity

2.       Sense of responsibility

3.       Self-realization

4.       All-round growth

 

My next post will be about some tips you’ll need to utilize living alone. This will be for both gender.

 

Love, Deedee

XOXO