CLICK CLIQUES OR SOLO

The thing about cliques

If there’s one thing reading Trevor Noah’s Born ‘A Crime’ taught me, it is the fact that everyone has an innate desire to belong to something, a group, a sect, or let’s just say a clique.

Everyone one wants to belong, whether or not they are willing to accept it.

The good thing is that nature has naturally created a solution to that need to belong by establishing cliques.

Now, this is how cliques are basically supposed to function even if they seldom do.

Cliques are supposed to be formed naturally by a group of people coexisting in the same place, who find themselves liking the same extracurricular activities, and having similar likes, hobbies, views and values or just have a common goal.

But, this isn’t the case most of the time.

Cliques are now mostly perceived as some sort of social upper class group where standards are set for intending members to meet whether or not they resonate with them. And these cliques create some sort of you-no-follow syndrome for outsiders. This is a reverse psychology thing. So everyone struggles to be part of a clique or form their own clique with equally ridiculous standard to either oppress the other clique or solo rangers, all in the bid to “feel among”.

There are numerous case scenarios to study; from high school cliques to fraternities to cabals. It’s all clique clique everywhere.

I, have always found myself in and out of cliques; from primary school with I and the twins to church with I and Angela, to secondary school with I, Rita and Izi….to another secondary school with I and Inara, to uni with I, Shirley and Amina (we called ourselves choc girls….choc boys crew song just came out and I was a diehard fan of MI)…..to I and Ebimo….to Me, Emmz, Fisola, Dami, Maggie and Ife….to Mentor, Jigga, Nomso and I……to Me, Ebere, Nancy and Mr Awarri……to Me, Didi and Tray….

And the list goes on……….

But my case has been the natural case of me bonding with people who share similar activities and/or goals hence finding ourselves together always.

It became so much for me that, at a point, I could hardly do things alone. I always sought for company. But the introvert in me resolved that in no time. So I was able to be alone and be in cliques at the same time and my clique members were mature enough to understand that as much as we wanted to be together always, we had our individual lives to live.

So,

Are cliques necessary?

No, they aren’t

It all depends on your personality and what works for you

However, they have their benefits.

1.       Two heads are better than one. When one is tired, the other will support. However a three-fold cord is not easily broken

2.       Life is too chaotic to face alone.

3.       No man is an island. Humans are wired for companionship

4.       There’s the free food, advice, group hangouts, making memory session, group motivation and other perks that come with good cliques  

How to find the right clique?

There’s no finding the right clique, the right clique will find you. It’s not some mechanical or staged thing. It is something that happens naturally. Remember the definition of cliques. So you recognize:  

1.       People with similar hobbies, views of life and activities. So you guys may be classmates, colleagues, church members, your gym mates, etc

2.       People that have their individual life to cater for. People that have something going on for themselves. This is so that they are not relying on you or the clique for existence. And they are not clingy manipulative, egotistic people.  

3.       People that you bond naturally with. Remember cliques are not mechanical.

4.       People you can be comfortable and vulnerable around. You don’t have to be a 100% around them. You aren’t scared they’ll gossip or malign you.

5.       People you aren’t trying to impress. This is so you don’t give yourself unnecessary social pressure.  

But why do people hate cliques?

Most cliques are made up of a group of people who call themselves friends but hate and backbite each other. There’s too much faux.  

An extra tip; being in a clique doesn't mean you can't have fun alone.

In summary, cliques are amazing when the right ones find you. They relieve you of so much stress, act as emotional support for you, inspire you to be better, act as unprofessional therapists and of course, the free food. On the other hand, if you are such an introvert and you can’t stand groups, please embrace yourself and enjoy your solo life, in fact you can even make the clique people jealous.

Everyone should find and do whatever works for them.

In this case, I’ll call myself fluid. Cause I’m solo today and cliquey tomorrow. My girls totally understand.

Please I want to hear from you in the comment section…..

Would you rather go solo or team up with a bunch of humans with varying demons to deal with?

Love Deedee.

XOXO